“That it will never come again is what makes life sweet. Dwell in possibility. Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough.”
~ Emily Dickinson ~
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As a photographer, I’ve certainly had a “this picture is worth a thousand words” moments from behind the lens that I have been so proud of, but in front, not so much, save for of course our beautiful wedding day. This, though…this moment hits so extremely hard and I can’t believe my amazing husband captured this at its peak.
My birthday was historically a complex and painful topic for me before I met my Joshua, so much so that even today, I still struggle with the topic during therapy and this year was no different with folks being cruel.
For the past 12 years of our lives together, though, my husband has made my birthday an event to remember. No matter our current situation, he goes well above and beyond what any person should go to to make a birthday special and every year I tell him the same thing, “This is too much, this better be the last over the top thing you do for me!” and I am always met with a devious grin or just a flat “no”.
Last year in my post called “Changes”, I mentioned the many themes that he has planned over the years, the first seven being dedicated to the Harry Potter book series, which, while fun at the time, we have since been glad to retire. Each year since has been a surprise theme that has been so much fun to discover and each year brings such a bright joy to the day.
This year, however, we decided to do something slightly different.
“How would you feel if this year we planned your birthday together instead of it being a surprise?” Josh asked one night while decompressing from the work day.
“I’m totally down with this idea!”
“Cool, want to go to New York city?”
“Is Beyonce a queen?”
No, that’s not what I actually said. I don’t remember what I actually said due to excitement but I do know that I could not have even imagined what was about to actually happen this year, and I’m still in cloud 9 recovery.
~
I have many phenomenal and inspirational people who I would consider on my heroes list but if you asked me who my hero was, I’d give you the same answer I gave you when I was 9 – Drew Barrymore.
I remember being a 90’s kid, introduced to Drew the same way most kids were, through the film “E.T.”. I was at least 6 or 7 years old at the time and just thought it was so cool that the little girl in the movie was the all grown up girl now that my parents said was “still in the movies”, and her smile made me really happy.
It was only a few years later, and probably way too young, that I had learned through one of those old Hollywood news, trash shows about her childhood and the trauma she had experienced over the years. I remember feeling the sadness that came with the understanding that some kids were in way worse spots than I was and that I should be grateful that my situation was not “worse”. Of course, I understand that idea much differently now as an adult.
I also recall thinking, she still has that same smile, though. She still has so much joy.
Over the years Drew has remained, for me, a captivating example of authentic joy and what it means to “wear your heart on your sleeve.” I’ve seen more of her movies and interviews than I can count and during some of my darkest moments throughout high school especially, I would remind myself of my hero, who’d survived much worse. If Drew can make it through and still have joy, then I am going to make it through this. I am going to survive.
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In March, my husband approached me about the idea of trying to be an audience member for the Drew Barrymore show during our NYC visit and I just about shot through the roof and collapsed into the center of the earth’s core all at once. I had little hope that we would actually get in but obviously we had to try.
It was a work from home day for us both when Josh came flying down the hallway from his office into mine, wide eyed and in shock,
“Babe! We got in! We got in! We are GOING to see DREW! And we got PRIORITY SEATING!”
After dancing around my office like cartoon characters, I sat back down in my office chair in stunned silence.
See my hero in NY for my Birthday? Am I dreaming?
No, the bruises on my arm from the pinch marks are definitely real so I’m fairly certain this was happening.
The entire month of April I spent daydreaming off and on of how I would act and what I would say if I magically got the opportunity to speak to her, practicing my words in the mirror just to end up crying at the very thought. Eventually, I decided in the few days before the big show day that it’d be best to just remain positive but keep my expectations low in case anything should go awry. I didn’t want my hopes to be too high.
Travel day came, the car was packed up, and the babies were annoyedly howling in the backseat, prepped for a much needed and long overdue vacation.
Both trips there and back from NYC went smoothly and Josh drove like an absolute pro for his fist time through the city’s chaotic streets. Our hotel was a gorgeous, eco conscious, and pet friendly stunner a block away from Central Park. We spent the first night resting, eating good foods, and getting the babies comfortable with the new atmosphere, of which they adapted to like little champs overnight, keeping us awake with their exploration outbursts by the hour.
Tuesday morning came quickly and it was show day. Drew day, or ‘Drewsday’, as my husband and I have coined it. I couldn’t stop smiling. I was going to be in the same room as my hero. MY HERO. I still was not going to let my mind wander but my excitement was through the roof.
It took around 2 plus hours of standing in line, waiting in chairs, and standing in other lines until finally being seated in the show taping room. I felt like a kid getting to experience something new and magical, like waking up to surprises on christmas morning. The set was bright and happy and the staff were all kind and accommodating. We were seated all the way in the back row, and my husband insisted that I take the end seat near the stairs, “just in case”. I got to sit across the row from a young dancer with a beautiful, self designed tattoo of Prince’s symbol on the inside of their forearm, which sparked a cute conversation between themselves and our fabulous hype man, Joey Kola.
Then it happened. She walked out. I was in the same room as Drew. There goes at least 25% of the mascara I slathered on that morning (damnit, Gabrielle, why didn’t you grab tissues!). She excitedly waved at everyone in the audience with greetings and smiles, her adorable rescue puppy, Douglas, slowly but happily trailing behind, greeting the set staff one by one.
The guests expected that day were going to be Jean Smart and Justin Hartley, which was such a pleasant surprise as we were very familiar with both. I had just mentioned to Josh in the line that I “hoped Ross [Mathews] was joining the recording today” and sure enough, he was there as well, which made me beam.
Before I knew it, the show was in motion, recording had begun, and Jean Smart was now suddenly on the interview couch, puppy in lap, in the same room as ME. And Drew was there. I was elated.
It was close to 2 glorious hours of chatting and games with breaks where Drew would sit on the front steps of the stage and chat one on one with the audience. It was everything I had dreamed it would be. She could not have been kinder to everyone she interacted with in the audience and on staff and made us laugh with her antics. I was feeling all the feelings and had already teared up a few times throughout (the tissues, damnit! How could you forget the tissues!) while looking over at Josh every few minutes to smile the same smile I had been smiling; “is this really happening?”
Drew had just finished another break and chat with the audience and returned to the set table with Ross to record the news segment. I was feeling all the feelings and looked over at Josh once again to smile and this time he looked back and beamed. This man brought me to friggin’ NYC to see my hero. I could not be more in love. I instinctively whispered ‘thank you’ for the millionth time this week for such an incredible gift and gave him a kiss.
“I saw that smooch over there, I knew you were a couple! I love it!” came over the loudspeakers.
Uhhhhh, my brain just froze. Literally. Icicles, frost, I was just a cube of ice. Drew just saw me steal a kiss from my husband and called us out. I eventually thawed, covered my face with both hands, and laughed with Josh, my brain literally screaming “DID THAT JUST FRIGGIN’ HAPPPPPPENNNN!”
I couldn’t believe she saw us smooch in the first place, let alone speak to us directly. I spent the rest of the news segment recording in a cloud, Josh whispering “yes, that really just happened…” in my ear, though I think he was actually trying to convince us both.
“We make this show for you, so take it with you!”
The show was officially done and recording had stopped as I waited for them to begin dismissal. Drew returned to sit on the front stage steps for an after show chat and looked back up our way.
“Okay, I wanna know more about that smooch up there. Tell me your names, tell me about yourselves!” she said with a grin.
I had just fallen flat on my back from a high tree branch and all of the wind had left my body. Before I knew it, a microphone was being handed to me and I could hear myself over the loudspeakers attempting to give my name, feedback ringing from my initial attempt at words.
“Oooh, your love is electrifying!” she joked with a giggle, which helped ease my initial embarrassment.
“It truly is!” I choked out, “My name is Gabrielle and this is my husband Joshua.”
“Your HUSBAND!?” she shot up excitedly. “Yep, almost 12 years we’ve been together now!” I smiled, proudly while once again wondering where time has gone and also “is this really happening?”.
“12 YEARS! Woww, I love this! What made you, in that moment, want to smooch him?”
“Well, my birthday was on Sunday and he planned this trip to NYC for me to come see you because you’ve been my hero since I was a little kid, so about 30 years”. That’s about what I remember being able to say, save for letting her know that I wrote her a personal letter that I hoped to give to her some day.
“I’M your hero?” she said with disbelief and before I knew it, she had ascended the stairs in front of me and I was embracing my hero. I began to cry more (I’m never letting you f%$&ing forget tissues again, woman…) as she sat on the stair next to me, holding my hand the entire time, as she interviewed Josh about how we keep our relationship going while letting me sheepishly cry.
(We’ve now reached a cool 65% total mascara loss at this stage.)
I can’t tell you how long she sat next to me but what I do know is that I was completely within the clouds and have been ever since. Her empathy in that moment was so incredibly heartfelt and beyond what I was expecting if I ever had the chance to meet her.
~
Once the show officially let out, Josh and I spent the rest of the afternoon in a complete daze while walking through Central Park to stretch our legs and snap pictures, the rollercoaster of all of the happy emotions causing us to fall into fits of giggles every few steps. We likely looked insane, but I really could have cared less. It wouldn’t be until close to 8pm when we finally decided on food for dinner.
The day was unreal, but it was definitely real.
I never got to hand her my letter but one day I hope to be able to. Until then, I’ll hold onto it as well as that core memory of the experience, still in disbelief that Josh had done all of this for me and once again telling him “this better be the last time you go overboard…”.
It’s been three days now since the show and thinking about it still makes me teary eyed and smile. I would definitely go back again in the future (perhaps, sans the kittens so we can have a bit more of a break) and would, without a doubt, see another one of her shows.
I am so grateful for this experience and still can’t believe, of all things, it started out with a kiss.
Joshua, you’ve got gremlin ears, boo. I am so honored to be your wife.
As I’ve said before, may all of your days be filled with moments worth remembering and if it is not, that you make them yourself,
XoXo
P.S. This post is dedicated to Joshua, Drew, and the magic of NYC
P.P.S. This post is also dedicated to the total loss of 78% of said mascara by end of day removal times on Drewsday
P.P.P.S. May the 4th be with you all. ✌🏽
Life at the Burrow 