Vulnerability alert, kids, heads up.
You know those points in your life where it feels like after every wake and before every sleep, everything is falling apart. Bad news is sitting on the edge of anticipation and the ache of it fills up all the gaps inside of you.
That’s been April here in 2021.
I’ve hated April for many, many years. It’s my birth month, which has meant endless yearly cycles of bad shit happening within the month along with the yearly reminder that I am still here when I would prefer so badly to not be. Some may find comfort in birthday times. I can’t, I refuse. April breeds pain, tears, loneliness, haunting, and devastation too often.
This month, my family has endured multiple losses, painful surgeries and difficult breakdowns to name a few. Not to mention everything in the news for just this week alone. It’s exhausting and taking a numbing toll. This week, in the chaos, I stopped being able to cry. I’ve tried now for days just to get it off of my chest and realized I am entirely too numb to do so.
I am tired. I am worn and for the remainder of April, I’ve decided I am going to recharge and hopefully restart myself again here in May.
I hope anyone else out there feeling the weight of life here on earth right now is able to step back, rest, recharge, and reset.