Tag: selfcare

A New Sensation

“Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.”

~ J. M. Barrie ~

Life is a gas, ain’t it?

At the start of this year I made a number of changes in every attempt to ensure I approached this one differently than I have the past few years, especially since the Pandemic started. Everything from my skin care routine to how I handle my mental health.

There has been so much mess, growth, more mess with more growth, and moments of healing going on (usually during mess). It’s been a rollercoaster, however, I’m still on for the ride.

One thing that has had me creatively distracted from writing lately is crafting things for myself, something I really do not do too often. At the start of March, I hit the luxury yarn jackpot for the **mumble mumble**-eth time. Lolabean gave everyone the honorable opportunity to order skeins at their own pace last fall for shipping in early 2023, and shipping week had arrived.

I squished it, stared at it, changed pattern plans about ten times over for each set of colors and then when I finally went to put it on the shelf, I realized I had run out of room and said ‘f*ck it, I’m just starting something new now’. So I started a sweater at the end of March and wrapped it up at the beginning of June. I have finally made my first sweater…and I love it.

Determination is dope when it shows up.

Last year in the midst of it’s utter insanity, I also somehow managed to make myself my first two pairs of socks from some gorgeous yarns I had in the stash from Neighborhood Fibers and Dream in Color which, like many pieces at the moment, I still have yet to block:

The socks feel like such a minimal accomplishment now that I’ve finally created ‘the big one’, however, I know how important it is for me to celebrate the small just as much as the big.

Another project in the notebook that I started last fall was a reimagination of my husband’s absolute favorite sweater. Snagged, pilled, and loved to its core, this very old H&M top is obviously past it’s replaceable prime so I decided to take a stab at recreating it. I think I’ve tested about six swatch designs and measured everything seven times (#Glenn’srule) so here’s to hoping everything is correct. Regardless, I’m excited to start testing a complex draft:

Now I just need to find some time to get back to the real writing and I’ll be made…

Now back to designing while also trying to convince one o’ these fools to snuggle…

Thank you for stopping by,

XoXo

P.S. Dusting off old and new playlists lately for that whole, building self-esteem thing. My music choices are eclectic af and I’m too damn old to care about what people think anymore.

Tracks I’ve allowed to live rent free in my head lately:

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Grateful

“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.”

~ Oscar Wilde

Sometimes the rough points in life seem endless. There is no light at the end of the tunnel and bad things are just going to continue to occur without pause. That is life and it goes on, so they say. 

2022 has been one big pile of unimaginable tragedy, pain, illness, and trauma, not just for my husband and I, but for folks within our tight knit little “framily”. My heart has been at a complete loss for why all of these incidents and heartaches are taking place at the same time. Is it just our age? Have we reached a strange place where this is just, how things are for a bit? If so, I cannot say I am enjoying it in the slightest. Nope. 

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”

~ Buddha

So here we are in February after a lot of pain and mourning, hard decisions and healing, feeling surprisingly ready for whatever the rest of 2022 is here to bring. Priorities, plans, and finances redirected to finally begin pursuing what we have been putting on the back burner for our own growth. Feeling immensely grateful for the grace, empathy, and support we have received in our little circle during the heavy when it could have just been an “I told you so!”. Sometimes it is the littlest things that have reminded both of us we are worthy of better.

I could not feel more thankful for this moment of feeling a strange, unimaginable sense of peace. 

For those feeling less than worthy, I implore you to start your new year now. Redefine and rearrange what amplifies in you “I AM WORTHY!”. Find yourself a few folks with integrity who will check you when you need it and lift you when you cannot lift yourself. Fill up those timelines and follows with focus on the positive, the uplifting, and the safe.

The power of taking control over your own space is one you will never want to give back. 

X’s O’s and Skittles

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what it be

what it be
let it be 
let what should be free, be freed within 
thee 
and what has to be,
be

by my own decree 
Just let what be and let others 
flee
when it is time for them to flee

(Let me flee, I must
Flee)

for I am free, to be
me
for what is freed within 
you
is also freed within me
so let be 
what needs to be
and be freed


~ A. L. Stippich

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Fuck April

Vulnerability alert, kids, heads up.

You know those points in your life where it feels like after every wake and before every sleep, everything is falling apart. Bad news is sitting on the edge of anticipation and the ache of it fills up all the gaps inside of you.

That’s been April here in 2021.

I’ve hated April for many, many years. It’s my birth month, which has meant endless yearly cycles of bad shit happening within the month along with the yearly reminder that I am still here when I would prefer so badly to not be. Some may find comfort in birthday times. I can’t, I refuse. April breeds pain, tears, loneliness, haunting, and devastation too often.

This month, my family has endured multiple losses, painful surgeries and difficult breakdowns to name a few. Not to mention everything in the news for just this week alone. It’s exhausting and taking a numbing toll. This week, in the chaos, I stopped being able to cry. I’ve tried now for days just to get it off of my chest and realized I am entirely too numb to do so.

I am tired. I am worn and for the remainder of April, I’ve decided I am going to recharge and hopefully restart myself again here in May.

I hope anyone else out there feeling the weight of life here on earth right now is able to step back, rest, recharge, and reset.

❤

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